The Empathy Gap: Why Leadership Development Must Start With Our Humanity

A long-running study from the University of Michigan followed over 14,000 students for more than three decades. The findings are sobering: since 2000, emotional empathy has dropped by 48%. Cognitive empathy — the ability to understand another person’s perspective — has declined by 34%.

At a time when workplace wellbeing is a strategic priority, these statistics point to something deeper: many of us are losing the human connection that gives work meaning, supports our health and provides the bedrock for breakthrough performance.

Empathy — in all its forms — is a foundational for leadership development.

Yet empathy is often misunderstood as a single trait. As leadership expert Bill Benjamin shared on a recent episode of our podcast, empathy actually shows up in two distinct but complementary forms:

Emotional empathy — the capacity to feel what another person is feeling.

Cognitive empathy — the capacity to understand how another person sees the world.

Both are essential for leadership that is both conscious and effective. And both can be developed.

Emotional Empathy: The Root of Trust and Belonging

Emotional empathy is what allows us to truly connect. It’s what enables a leader to sense when someone is anxious, inspired, withdrawn, or on the edge of something new — and to respond in a way that affirms their experience.

This kind of connection builds trust. It creates a culture where people feel safe to speak openly, take risks, and be themselves. And it’s essential for any team that hopes to do more than just meet targets — for any team that wants to bond and create far beyond what might be predictable for that team.

But this capacity doesn’t come from technique. It begins with how we relate to ourselves.

Emotional empathy grows through self-empathy. When we’re able to witness our own internal experience — including our discomforts, fears, and emotions — with compassion, we become more available to others. We can tune in without judgment or defensiveness more easily.

That’s why emotional empathy is not just a skill — it’s a way of being. And it’s why, in our leadership development work at FirstHuman, we don’t start with behaviours. We start with the person.

Who are you being when you’re leading? Are you open? Present? Grounded? When do get triggered? What might be the source of those triggers?

The answers to those questions shape the impact you have — far more than any leadership model or personality diagnostic ever could.

Cognitive Empathy: Expanding What We See

While emotional empathy fosters connection, cognitive empathy enables clarity and wise action. It’s the ability to see the world through someone else’s eyes — not just emotionally, but intellectually.

It’s at the core of great product design, salesmanship, and yes, leadership.

In complex environments, this form of empathy becomes especially important. Teams are made up of people with different nationalities, from different generations, and with diverse roles and priorities. Without cognitive empathy, leaders risk making assumptions, overlooking nuance, and unintentionally creating friction.

With it, they can:

• Anticipate concerns before they surface.
• Adapt their communication to land with relevance.
• Make decisions that hold more than one truth at a time.

As with emotional empathy, we can also cultivate our cognitive empathy.

One practical approach is to pause and ask: “What might really matter to this person right now?” Not what they’re saying. Not what you want them to say. But what is truly important to them, in this moment.

That question alone can shift an entire conversation.

In our leadership development programmes, we teach leaders to build this kind of perspective-taking into their everyday practice. It’s not about being agreeable. It’s about being open, connecting to others more deeply — and seeing more of the system you’re operating in.

Generative Listening: Beyond Cognitive Empathy

Whilst empathy helps us connect on multiple levels, for breakthough leadership performance, we can go a step further. We help leaders cultivate generative listening — a way of engaging with others that creates new possibility.

Generative listening is a committed, attuned presence that listens for what wants to emerge in the other person. It’s the ability to hear someone not just for who they are now, but for who they could become.

When leaders listen generatively:

People feel seen not just for their performance, but for their potential.

Teams move from surface-level alignment to deep collaboration.

Conversations shift from problem-solving to possibility-creating.

This kind of listening requires slowing down. Letting go of your own agenda. Trusting that something valuable will arise if you stay with what matters to the other person.

In our experience, this is the most transformative element of leader development. Because it doesn’t just change how people lead — it changes how they relate to others and to themselves.

Final Thought

Empathy isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice. A choice. A capacity that grows when we do the inner work to become more fully ourselves — and more open to others.

As leaders, the opportunity is clear: To listen more deeply. To connect more honestly. To see others not as problems to fix, but as people full of possibility.

And the seed of all breakthrough business outcomes is someone having seen a new possibility.